‘There’s no such thing as normal’: 13 essential lessons about sex – from 20 years of Sexual Healing

The Guardian’s sex advice columnist has answered countless questions over the last two decades. As the column ends, here’s what has struck and surprised herPeople find it so hard to talk about sex, so if someone takes the time to sit down and write a question, then send it to the Guardian for me to answer, I always regard that as a great privilege. In the 20 years of writing the column, I have been reminded how many people are still out there, living their lives in quiet desperation about something that’s really troubling them sexually. Often the solution is more education; they just need to learn something, or be helped to be more open about a problem.So many people grow up without the message that sex is healthy and important for a person’s quality of life, and they feel guilty every time they have sex, or think a sexual thought. They haven’t been able to enjoy sexuality and discover who they really are. Sometimes, it’s not the sexuality that is causing someone’s problem, it’s societal notions – prioritising monogamy, for instance – that makes life difficult. One of the things I would have liked to have addressed more was sexuality when people have serious disabilities or illness. Many people think they can’t continue to be sexual beings, and often that idea is pushed by people around them – that, to me, is tragic. Continue reading...